Social media is a challenge for me (what, you too?). On the one hand, I’m so grateful for the platforms that give me a chance to stay connected to people I would have otherwise long lost (FB), and for the chance to have a voice on the issues most important to me (looking at you, Twitter). Plus I get to feel like a cool kid/artist (Insta). Professionally, they help me stay connected, get insights into what’s happening in my colleagues' lives, and learn constantly from a stream of insights.
On the other hand, social media delivers us words and images that project happiness, success, access, good looks and good fortune [also Trump - instant mega-depression for some of us] - all the things we feel like we’re lacking or at the very least, do not want to be reminded of when we’re down.
So when I’m going through a hard or stressful time, the first thing I’ve done is delete all those apps from my phone. I believed that I feel measurably worse when I combine the blues with social media. There’s so much data, research and anecdotal evidence out there validating this idea that I’ve never doubted it.
“Never let’em see you sweat.” A colleague said that to me years ago, and it’s stuck with me - like a popcorn kernel in your teeth after a movie. What if I showed up, warts and all, and told the truth on social media instead of hiding and waiting for another sunny day before I re-engaged? I have come to hate that saying - and this experiment proved why. Per the title, I was honest, and the outcome shocked me.
I wrote "Today is one of those days you don’t post about on social media. The hard, sad, tough stuff. I guess I feel obliged to flag it because I’ve been posting lots of glamour shots lately. Trust: it ain’t always all that.
"And while tomorrow is bound to be better, I guess I just wanna remind my friends (and, admittedly, myself) that we all have terrible days. I’m reading mine as a sign of wonderful things to come. Here’s to happy days ahead for us all! 🙏🙌🏼❤"
After I posted, I felt unbelievably exposed. I thought about the people who would surely look at this and think “TMI, what a loser.” Or “how needy is she? Jeez.” I was definitely letting them see me sweat. And cry! Maybe those people and thoughts were out there. But they weren’t the ones who responded.
The response was incredible. Dozens and dozens of messages of love and support on social media and off. I heard from friends and professional connections with whom I hadn’t spoken in ages, and my nearest and dearest showed up that night with hugs and rosé. The most generous email of my life showed up in my inbox, from an acquaintance who decided she should tell me exactly what she thinks of me and my family. It was so beautiful I cried.
New York, LA, Seattle, SF, Paris, Burlington, Kansas City, Philly, Salt Lake, Vegas, Providence, DC, Portland - even Bali checked in. Friends everywhere got it immediately - instead of thinking “loser” or “needy”, they thought “I’ve been there, and made it through. I love her and will remind her that she will be okay.” We connected not just over the shared but forgettable appreciation of a lovely photo of a beach sunset, but over the truth and depth of a shitty day.
Tweet this: I was honest. What happened next shocked me.
What did I gain from opening up?
Strategies for handling a bad day: My pal Elizabeth Bailey Weil told me she marks the worst days and celebrates them the following year. "Mark this date in your brain. Next time round the sun, celebrate the hell out of it for making it through, and reclaim it.” Brilliant.
The chance to help others: Turns out I wasn’t the only one having a bad day. By sharing, I gave others empathy and connection (which in turn made me feel better). “It's true we all have bad days, weeks & months. I've had my fair share in 2019,” one of the most successful venture capitalists in the world told me. “I can relate to your post today. Today was terrible for me too. But I want you to know that [you] helped someone else that was having a tough time. Thanks,” shared a founder of a top architecture firm. “I’m having a tough day too and your share warms my heart and makes me feel like I'm not alone,” wrote a woman whose light appears to shine brighter than most on even a dark day.
Laughter: came from many directions. Laurel Sanderson (whose restaurant, Treize, is a Paris must and very Instagrammable :) sent me some French “whoop ass.” My childhood friend Jim Clarke made me roar when he wrote: “eh...quit whining and suck it up (had to be different…).” Stephanie Berenbaum’s story of her 13 year old taking a shower with his clothes on that morning made me cry - in the good way. Nothing like a belly laugh to cure what ails.
Love: of course, this was the very best part. From my Mom to friends from elementary school to not one but two friends who were in Italy when I posted, I received massive doses of love. Not because I did something impressive, but because I was just the real me. There is no way to brighten a bad day than to be reminded that people love you. I am loved, even when I’m struggling. What better gift can one receive?
Inspiration: Best of all? By expressing my pain, letting it out instead of carrying it alone, the light, laughter and love I received gave me clarity on the very thing that was troubling me. That morning, I felt like I’d lost my footing - but after the post, I felt like I’d stoked my ambition. The next day I felt renewed and inspired - and got to work on a dream I’d been nurturing for too long without action.
That post - expressing my truth, sharing my reality instead of hiding behind another photo of a fresh blowout - ended up turning me around and getting me onto the path I had been ignoring for so long. It was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, already within me - I just needed to unlock it by showing up and clearing the clutter of truth in the way.
So yay or nay on social media? I have no idea - I’ll think carefully before blaming it solely for my troubles, but I’ll also remember that looking at Twitter is the fastest way to make my blood boil. In the end, the result of my experiment wasn’t really about a platform. It was about honesty.
The more important reminder is the power of letting the truth out. Honesty and openness, even when it feels dangerous? I say sweat away - the rewards so far outweigh the risks.
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